Originally, I planned to skip Monday’s blog; it’s a holiday and who is online anyway? But then, out shopping or hiking, I noticed how many people just looked miserable. Tired, angry, frustrated…I didn’t see a lot of the joy of the season. I remembered times when I shared those feelings. We all want to recreate the perfect memory of childhood Christmases, but were they all unicorns and stars?
I began to look at how much happier I was since I retired. But it was more than just the relief of not having to get up and go to work. Going deeper, I realized that I had almost accidentally picked up on a habit that made me smile more—I chose to be happy. I know, that sounds airy-fairy and New-Agey, but hang with me a bit.
I lost a favorite earring when I took a friend out for wine. My first reaction was negative, but then, almost immediately, I told myself, “You’ve had those earrings forever and enjoyed them. They weren’t that expensive. Live without them.” A day later, I found the missing earring, but while I was happy that I had the pair, I hadn’t truly missed it.
Another stressor came when Safeway didn’t have the five pounds of brisket they had promised me for my holiday meals. They said,” We’ll have it tomorrow, which was Friday.” As brisket needs long cooking AND an overnight rest, Friday was the last day I could get it to have it for Saturday night. But the difference was, I didn’t rely on them. Right after getting told to come back the next day, I made a list of places to try on Friday, figuring it had to be something other than a Safeway. Found a nice (HUGE) piece at Costco and the day was saved. Sure, I could have picked other dishes, but I had all the ingredients ready to go…and I was invested in it. By having a plan, just in case, the stress disappeared and I could just go forward. I don’t recommend Costco on December 23rd, but their self-check speeded us along.
The Big One
Mike and I planned to get married the first day of FreedomFest, a great conference we try to attend when we can.
https://www.freedomfest.com/
(We liked the subtle irony of giving up our freedom at this conference.) For all short trips at the time, we flew in his club’s small airplane, which avoided the commuting and airline delays. Everything looked clear when we took off, and Mike is VERY careful about checking weather.
As we approached Las Vegas, there was a wall of thunderstorms surrounding the airport, ensuring that even the big jets were circling, unable to land. So, we landed at a small private airport north of Las Vegas, only to discover there were no services and no gas. But we found a phone number on the side of a building and shortly after, a man showed up. He took us to a restaurant/motel in a nearby small town, ensured that if we needed to, we had a room at a great rate, and said he’d be back shortly. The receptionist offered to drive us to Las Vegas (120 miles roundtrip). The man knew the justice of the peace and said he could get us married there, if needed.
When he returned, he told us we could use some car gas and he knew how to start the plane in a very hot climate. It worked! We called the receptionist, thanked her for her offer and headed to the Henderson Airport. Shortly after, we got into our hotel room, early, changed for our wedding and Ubered to the city offices. To our surprise, they have a bower of flowers and ribbons and the ceremony made me cry. We also lucked out as there was another couple getting married and they (and their plus-one) stood up for us.
Here's the point. You could look at the day as a disaster that was rescued. Or as we see it, a series of amazing events and people all determined to get us married the day we wanted, going above and beyond. We still cherish that rather unique wedding day and wouldn’t have changed a minute of it .
How Do You Do It
First, give yourself time to be upset, frustrated or angry. Let those immediate feelings go through you. Then, turn off the emotional part of your brain for a bit and start problem solving. As things start to resolve, notice them with intention and allow good feelings to begin to grow. From the dispassionate, logical point of view, you are more likely to get great results and help from people when you least expect it. You also don’t upset people with the emotions that have been stirred up.
Believe that most situations can be improved. It won’t work for everything, but it will work much of the time, leaving you less stressed and far healthier. Stress causes inflammation, and as scientists have discovered, this leads to all kinds of health issues, including a shortened life.
Merry Christmas—make it merry.
Not really, because much humor is a bit cynical, but if you're laughing, you're not that upset.
I have a Santa hat that proudly says “humbug”! I’d wager that’s the attitude you’re advising against? 🤔