We’ve all heard the stories of people who are avoiding family events because they are attacked for their political beliefs, even if they don’t actually speak about them. Or those who have had long friendships evaporate in a heartbeat because they voted for Trump. Oddly, few people on the right are cancelling the Left, but…
There’s one person I’ve recently heard talk about his campaign to end the hate, personally putting himself at grave risk…and conquering the most rabid hate possible. Daryl Davis spoke to us at FreedomFest in Palm Springs, inspiring us all to consider the question he challenged us with.
Meet Daryl Davis
Daryl Davis graduated from Howard University with a degree in jazz, going on to perform internationally as a pianist, vocalist, and guitarist. You would know some of the bands he played with, as well as his own. As child, he first discovered hate and racism as a 10-year-old Cub Scout, in a troop where he was the only Black child. Tapped to be the flag-bearer in a Paul Revere commemoration parade in Concord, he found himself pelted with bottles, cans and rocks by a small group of White men. On coming home, confused, his parents explained racism to him, letting him know for the first time in his life that some people would hate him, simply because he was Black.
He didn’t understand it. He began to study books on Nazis, the KKK and other hate groups, but it didn’t explain the “why” of it to him. Finally, he decided that the only way he could figure it out was to talk to members of these groups, at grave personal risk. His pivotal question was, “How can you hate me, when you don’t even know me?”
The people in these groups hated him, but they didn’t know him. What if they did? Could dialogue change anything? He first arranged a meeting with Mr. Roger Kelly, Imperial Wizard in the KKK, but neglected to tell him that he was Black. Kelly arrived with a bodyguard. Davis could tell Kelly was shocked, but both shook his hand. But Davis pushed the conversation forward, finding areas they could agree on. Kelly was adamant that the colors should be separate. But over time, Kelly agreed to more meetings with a variety of groups represented and even dined at Davis’s house. Finally, Kelly invited Davis to his house and to Klan meetings. Even as Kelly continued to believe that “his views were cemented in his mind in concrete,” respect was always two-sided. As the friendship evolved, Kelly finally gave Davis his hood and gown and resigned from the KKK. Davis had won him over with his quiet fortitude, respect and ability to listen actively.
Davis continued his mission among the KKK and American Nazi Party, and convinced approximately 200 members to abandon their hate group. I believe his influence goes deeper and that even those who are still members have been changed by the power of his message.
Davis talks about how fear that isn’t checked breeds hatred, and hatred breeds destruction. But as it is based on what we don’t know, our ignorance, it can be countered with information, if the message allows the person to make up their own mind. “Respect is the key to air each other’s points of view. Talk to your adversary – keep the conversation going. When you’re talking, you’re not fighting.”
Listening is key. “Start in listening mode,” he advises. “Once people feel they are being listened to, he says, it is easier to plant a seed of doubt.”
Davis has won numerous awards, such as the Elliott-Black and MLK, and including many local and national awards for his work. Aside from this critical work, which he continues to do, he is still active in the music community, and has had the opportunity to act on stage and screen, including HBO’s “The Wire.” I’m not sure how he finds the energy or the time, but his passion clearly drives him.
A Challenge to Us
Daryl Davis does not encourage or expect us to try what he is doing; it is dangerous. But too often, people refuse to engage with people with whom they don’t agree, even when it is safer to do so. We self-segregate, creating our own “safe spaces,” but not only does this breed more anger and contempt for each other, it also limits our growth potential. We only grow when we learn, and we don’t learn when we keep ourselves in an echo chamber.
From my experience, asking questions opens more doors than confrontation; I think Davis would agree. Instead of attacking someone for voting for the “wrong person,” ask “what attracted you to this candidate?” Often, I find people are voting against a person they dislike more than for the other candidate. And then, you keep being curious. Why did they find the one objectionable? And switch it up. What do you care most about? What do you hope this election will create for us? I’ve found that most of us agree on many outcomes: great schools, safe streets, affordable housing, etc. We mostly disagree on how to get there, but by talking through it, we have the opportunity to learn and perhaps expand our understanding of a problem.
Go to your next family dinner. Start with respect and respectful questions. If Daryl Davis can confront people as locked-in and racist as those he has helped change, we can certainly face family and friends. Check out his organization, Prohuman Foundation #prohumanDaryl Davis – Ted Talk
We really have moved further apart haven’t we. Lots of reasons and most of them perceived and not based on facts or evidence, simply, “I don’t like this person”. An ad hominem attack versus an objective analysis of what they represent or have accomplished. I don’t know how to change this but it’s certainly counterproductive and these days dangerous as well.