A New Way to Be Thankful
Thanksgiving is the one time of the year where people are pushed to express what they are thankful for. Given the political tenor of the times, many may hesitate to disclose the big issues that have made them happy, settling for either minor items or the grandiose expressions that don’t fill us with joy, i.e., my beloved family, my friends, etc.
Expressions of gratitude should be moments of joy where you realize how blessed you are, in the moment. I’ve heard many suggest we itemize five things we are grateful for each night, but while that may be useful to some, I’ve found it better to notice and appreciate them right at the time.
Why does it matter when you do it? Many of us get trapped in the pattern of defining a day by what happens early on. If your alarm doesn’t go off, someone ate the last of your favorite breakfast treats or traffic is awful, it can be easy to say that today is going to be awful. Not surprisingly, it usually is. We’ve put our attention on the negative, and, unless something really monumental happens, that’s where attention stays.
Instead, there is power in trying to notice good things starting as you wake up and proceeding through the day. What happens when you find joy in the moment is that more good things happen. When you’ve already decided the day is going to be a bust, it seems as everything reinforces that.
Examples
I used to rise at 5AM and get to BART by 5:45, so I could arrive in my office at 6:30. I’m not a morning person, so this was tough, but we had too many people in earlier time zones. I really had to get started that early. While the day could already have started badly (the alarm went off at 5 waking me out of sound sleep), instead I would try to notice things early on. Did one of my favorite songs wake me on my clock radio (yes, this was before smart phones)? Did I get a seat on BART? Did it run properly and on time? Was the weather nice in San Francisco.
Now, being retired, I am happy when Safeway has exactly what I want when I shop, and overjoyed when it’s on sale and/or gives me extra points on my card. I notice colors when I hike and the random small animals that may show up along the way. We get otters at times, which delights everyone. I glory in my post-Jazzercise hot shower and feel pleasure when my nightly meals come out great. There are so many moments in the day where you can take something for granted or really notice it.
How I Learned
I wasn’t always this way. A number of years back, I met a woman who, in sharing her story, gave me this insight. When she moved to San Francisco, a ton of bad things happened to her. She had her apartment broken into, she lost a job, had a bout of severe illness, etc. It was easy to believe her move was jinxed. But then, she tried noticing good things that were happening and as she did this, the bad things dried up. She found a better job and she realized what had been stolen was minor and replaceable. Her health got so good that she no longer felt any concern. What she noticed and focused on was key to the change.
I’m not suggesting that nothing bad will happen to you again. But the act of being grateful in the moment helps balance out the bad moments. My best example of this is a recent car accident. I was waiting to turn right and someone bashed quite hard into me. We pulled over and he jumped out and immediately said, “I’m so sorry. Are you all right? This was my fault.” Being focused on the positive, I was delighted that this wouldn’t be a fight. I also noticed that though I had been jarred a bit, I wasn’t injured. My car ended up having quite a bit of damage, but I paid nothing and had a rental car until I got it back. The man was so nice that it turned an awful situation into one where I was relieved a good person had hit me instead of a jerk.
I suspect this is why many older people report being happy as opposed to younger people. We have the time to figure these things out and we also realize that how our days flow out has to do with what we decide to do and how we interpret what happens to us. But don’t wait. This is something you can do every day; it has the potential to transform your life.
