IS SPEECH REALLY FREE?

I began to ponder this question when a new friend in a group announced, “We’re all Democrats here,” and I failed to challenge the assumption. I had just met these people and wanted to get along, as we were going to be together for two weeks. But isn’t speech free?

It turns out that the answer is more complicated. You can say anything you want, but must accept the consequences. Remember when the Dixie Chicks slammed a president they didn’t like? They were in England, but the reverberations echoed everywhere. People in the US trashed their records and cancelled concert tickets. Of course, the Dixie Chicks had the right to voice their opinions, but they had to know that there might be a cost. Too many believe that speaking their mind means that no one dare challenge them or unfriend them, but that is the cost of speaking out.

Celebrities enjoy a very big stage; what they say influences a lot of people. When Madonna suggested that she often thought about killing Donald Trump, this emboldened a lot of people to speak out and hate the current President. While nothing was tracked, it’s possible that this hurt Madonna’s future revenues.

No matter who you are, there is a cost to holding opinions that others disagree with. Generally, the consequences result not so much from disagreement—we all disagree some of the time. In many situations, you can agree to disagree. When it gets more difficult is when the person voicing the opinion is pushing it hard on you (like some proselytizing religious types) or when the person hearing your opinion has gone from seeing their beliefs as opinions to seeing them as gospel.

Hate is Misplaced

To hate something, you have to know it. George Bush didn’t declare war on broccoli at the White House without having tasted it first, finding it disagreed with him. To really hate someone, you have to know them personally. But in the current world, the word “hate” is so often misapplied to someone you disagree with. I have had difficulty getting people to understand that most of us more conservative types don’t hate people we don’t know. I don’t hate Xi, though many who know him probably do. I hate his policies, but that’s a different thing than hating a person or wanting him/her dead.

We need to separate policy from personality and understand that we have to know before we hate. I had many reasons to doubt the ability and wisdom of candidate Obama when he began to run. But having never met him, and not knowing who he was as a person, my dislike of his campaign never rose to hate him as a person. We need to get back to this, and perhaps long friendships can be restored, and people can stop living in fear.

In an Ideal World

I think we all know that when someone has strongly held beliefs, we aren’t going to sway them. That’s okay. If the subject is touchy, talk about other things. Among friends, we share many interests and can eschew talking about the divisive things. More ideally, we can share our “opinions” with each other, without attempting or even wishing to change their beliefs. It’s interesting how many times a civil discussion has resulted in a deeper understanding, at least of why the other person feels the way they do. Sometimes, the needle is moved. But these talks can never occur when the price is too high—the ending of a friendship.

Hate is a very emotional thing. What if we could take the emotion out of it? I may be unhappy with a particular policy, feeling it will hurt me or other people, or that it is just wrong-headed. We can discuss issues and policies. But discussing people is more difficult because we inevitably feel emotion about a person.

Think about Hollywood actors. Aren’t there some you dislike enough to not see a movie because they are in it? You don’t actually know them, but perhaps they were so nasty in a picture (as an actor), that you don’t want to look at them ever again. Or they are more public, and you skip their films because they are pushing their opinions. But how many of us have ever met an actor? When you do, you may be surprised that they resemble none of their roles. In fact, meeting Charlton Heston in London, I was surprised that he came out after a play with a pen in hand, spending several minutes with each person. He seemed genuinely happy that we had waited for him to emerge. And wow! He was even better-looking in person than in film. His co-star, Ben Cross, seemed far more reluctant.

I know we will have moved forward when I can say, “No, I’m not a Democrat, and in fact, voted for Trump in the last election.” And the conversation goes on. But this won’t happen when people allow themselves to believe that hate is an appropriate response to someone’s behavior they don’t support or like. Until then, conservatives, who rarely apply this tough litmus test to people, will hide their support and their views. And fervent Dems, you will miss out on truly knowing a person because you have made them afraid.