THE ENTITLEMENT MINDSET

Dangerous to Our Future

The Spoiled Generation

Many Baby Boomers made big mistakes in child rearing, raising their children to believe in their greatness (without proof points) and their entitlements.  Early on, parents saw their kid’s disappointment/dismay when offered a gently used car on their 16th birthday.  Later, the same child expected tuition and housing to be paid at whatever school they wanted.  And girls thought that a $50K wedding was also their parents’ responsibility.  They never felt the joy and success of earning and paying for a major expense themselves.  They also didn’t build credit.

As a child, my parents instilled the idea of personal responsibility in me.  We all had chores from the early years with opportunities to earn a little more for harder projects.  Ex. I got $5 for oven cleaning (and the ovens were not self-cleaning then).  Later, if I wanted something that wasn’t strictly necessary – contact lens, for example – I was offered ½ of the cost as long as I came up with the other half.  Based on that, I knew I would have to work to fund most of my college, any cars I wanted and my future living expenses.  Not only did that make me understand being careful with money, I also learned to save money for things I wanted, including a good retirement.

Some of these problems began with a “self-esteem” movement where psychologists told parents to “give” their children self-esteem. The problem is that you must earn it; you can’t be given a feeling of pride.  And if you do feel unentitled pride, that’s part of the entitlement myth.    

The entitlement mindset damaged children, making them believe that they would always be bailed out.  They never got the chance to achieve hard-earned, personal success.  Instead of trophies, ribbons and top grades, kids were given “participant” awards.  It’s not the same thing.  These same kids, now adults, are upset that the increased unemployment payouts have ended, many not all that anxious to work if they can con their parents into supporting them once again.

Affirmative Action Entitlement

Similarly, affirmative action treatment has caused an entitlement problem instead of empowering people to direct their own lives.  When you expect to be given money, jobs, entrance to college and more simply, by virtue of your skin color or other quality, you’re not as likely to make your best effort.  Note:  I include in this group the well-to-do legacy kids who obtain advantages from their heritage.  Neither approach works to create a strong, independent and self-reliant individual.  It also means that we have to be concerned as to whether the “entitled” professional we seek out is really qualified to help us.

Think of the damage to each generation when we select certain groups to get “special” treatment, instead of having the opportunity to achieve success on their own terms.  In fact, the best thing we can do for our kids is to expect greatness.  A surprise to many, most kids are capable of much more than we ever dreamed.  Believe in them, then let them win and fail and learn from the experience.  Don’t think about their success as “adulting,” which implies it is special.   We all should be on a path to adulthood from our early years.  A parent’s job is to support and encourage their kids to become adults, not to sit in on college or job interviews or constantly bail them out.  It you push, encourage and refuse to enable, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at the result.

In the next blog, I’ll talk about the entitlement of illegal border crossers.  If you like my blog, please share the link and encourage your like-minded friends to subscribe. You can also “like” or comment at any time.  I welcome your input.